WHEN in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary….
California, the Cat Lady (Previously Soyboy) State
byVanderleunonApril 5, 2018
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this, you know you’re from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can’t afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child’s 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal?
6. You’ve been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can’t remember . . . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can’t remember . . . .is pot illegal?
14. It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: “STORM WATCH.”
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones.
16. Or it’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
19 The Terminator was your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver’s license. If you’re here illegally, they want to give you one.
6b. You’ve been to a baby shower that has two soiboi’s that identify as mothers and several sperm donors.
DeAnnApril 5, 2018, 6:27 PM
Very funny.
John A. FlemingApril 5, 2018, 9:26 PM
It would be even funnier if there were some working dogs chained to a generator, or wearing aprons and cleaning out the litter boxes. And hey, where are the SilVal and SanFran proggro aristocats and … “different” cats from the Castro.
21. You bike ride to the beach and back from your home.
22. The local wine is great and reasonably priced – you may even have met the vintner.
23. Your property taxes are limited by Prop 13.
24. The rest of the country failed you by allowing you to be invaded by criminal foreigners contrary to Article 4 Section 4 of the Constitution – and forbade you to defend yourselves by the federal court reversing Prop 187 (which passed by 59% in 1994).
25. It snows in the mountains, not in your major cities.
26. And yeah Jerry Brown should be convicted of sedition. When are the feds going to arrest him and Becerra, Harris, et al?
27. About 4.5 million Californians voted for Trump. That is more votes for him in the state of California than all individual states except Texas and Florida.
Real World Address for Donations, Mash Notes and Hate Mail
Gerard Van der Leun
1692 MANGROVE AVE
APT 379
Chico, Ca 95926
Green Pants Interior by Klahn
Who Am I? by Carl Sandburg
My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I reach my hands and play with pebbles of destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs reading “Keep Off.”
My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive in the universe.
Duty, Beauty, Liberty, Country, Honor, Family, Faith — Plus a few simple easy to follow rules for guys
Men saw the stars at the edge of the sea
They thought great thoughts about liberty
Poets wrote down words that did fit
Writers wrote books
Thinkers thought about it
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
Many’s the road I have walked upon
Many’s the hour between dusk and dawn
Many’s the time
Many’s the mile
I see it all now
Through the eyes of a child
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
[Chorus]
Lost dreams and found dreams
In America
In America
In America
Lost dreams and found dreams
In America
In America
In America
And close your eyes
Leave it all for a while
Leave the world
And your worries behind
You will build on whatever is real
And wake up each day
To a new waking dream
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
[Chorus]
Change, change come over
Change come over
Talkin’ about a change
Change, change
Change come over, now
Change, change, change come over
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I see my light
See my light
See my shining light
I see my light
See my light
See my shining light
Gerard Van der Leun
Comments on this entry are closed.
6b. You’ve been to a baby shower that has two soiboi’s that identify as mothers and several sperm donors.
Very funny.
It would be even funnier if there were some working dogs chained to a generator, or wearing aprons and cleaning out the litter boxes. And hey, where are the SilVal and SanFran proggro aristocats and … “different” cats from the Castro.
Terrible excuse for a cartoonist.
Daumier but without the skill.
21. You bike ride to the beach and back from your home.
22. The local wine is great and reasonably priced – you may even have met the vintner.
23. Your property taxes are limited by Prop 13.
24. The rest of the country failed you by allowing you to be invaded by criminal foreigners contrary to Article 4 Section 4 of the Constitution – and forbade you to defend yourselves by the federal court reversing Prop 187 (which passed by 59% in 1994).
25. It snows in the mountains, not in your major cities.
26. And yeah Jerry Brown should be convicted of sedition. When are the feds going to arrest him and Becerra, Harris, et al?
27. About 4.5 million Californians voted for Trump. That is more votes for him in the state of California than all individual states except Texas and Florida.
Excellent points. Very much so. Now I don’t feel so all alone…..