WHEN in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary….
American Digest Has a New Editor
byVanderleunonOctober 28, 2018
Introducing Olivia aka “Olive” who, after an exhausting search and a searing series of interviews at the local Wags and Whiskers rescue station was hired for a cup of kibble, a splash of canned tuna juice, a slosh of water, a few tiny faux-tuna treats, and a signing bonus composed of a scratching post and an empty box. Now, after only three days on the job, the whinging meows have already begun.
What a gorgeous cat! Time spent petting cats does not count against one’s total life span.
mezzrowOctober 28, 2018, 4:25 PM
She’ll have you trained and operational in no time. Enjoy the break-in period.
Yours, of course.
HHOctober 28, 2018, 4:28 PM
The famous writer Paul Gallico kept cats, and he was quite prolific. He also seem to have a happy life; perhaps the cats were a help.
Roy LofquistOctober 28, 2018, 4:39 PM
We’re planning a trip to see Hemingway’s six toed cats on Key West come January.
PA CatOctober 28, 2018, 4:40 PM
Bienvenue à Madame la chatte-éditrice! It looks, however, as if Mme. Olive has begun to perceive that she is in the clutches of an insufficiently woke speciesist. Just for fun, here’s a humorous piece from The Federalist: “10 Reasons My Cat Deserves to Win the Intersectional Victim Olympics”: http://thefederalist.com/2018/05/16/10-reasons-cat-deserves-win-intersectional-victim-olympics/
Enjoy Olive’s companionship as well as the humor– may you have many good years together.
Keep in mind that you don’t own a cat. They own you.
I’m a dog person, but my dear wife has three cats, and they all feel privileged to come annoy me whenever they decide that it’s time to do so. They each have their on designated time to descend upon me, but I can’t take a shower, go to bed, or sit in my recliner without being gifted with one or another of them reminding me who is in charge, and who I’m supposed to cater to.
Me and my dog deal, as we must. How did RAH put it? “Women and Cats…..”
That’s about the size of it, truth be told. Men and Dogs just shaddup and do what they are told to do, as often as not.
What a beautiful editor/cat! You’ll be glad you took the leap.
Our cat turned 20 this year and has outlived one set of dogs and is working on another. He’s definitely feeling his age but he’s still hanging in there.
Island GirlOctober 28, 2018, 11:11 PM
Simply lovely and gorgeous.
ghostsniperOctober 29, 2018, 4:38 AM
Excellent!
But she needs a sister. Or brother. (hint hint)
Miss Olivia is one of the lucky ones.
According to my sister, that runs two shelters in NC, this is not a good time of year for black cats and many shelters will not adopt black cats out until mid-Nov.
The life expectancy for cats around our house is in the 18-19 year range.
You’ll know she’s bonded with you when you can no longer walk around in your house without maneuvering around her, and/or her preferred place to lay is on your arms while sitting at your computer. Yay for Olive, and you!
PS: Careful with those “snap” collars, they can pop loose at the worst time.
ghostsniperOctober 29, 2018, 7:08 AM
How to train Olly to be your gurl 24/7 without her even knowing it.
==============================================
Step 1:
Every time you come into your house after having gone somewhere, state right out loud, but not yelling, “Where’s that gurl?”
She may not come the first time.
If she does come, promptly reach into your left pocket and give her a piece of Kibble.
Make her stand up or sit up on her back legs to get it.
That’s her reward for doing as you asked.
If she does not come, immediately go hunt her down and upon finding her say out loud, “There’s that gurl!” And promptly give her a Kibble.
All animals respond inherently to food. Yes, even a charging Grizzly will detour to a chunk of roadkill thrown off to the side while you’re unassing the AO.
Olly will quickly learn that by listening to you she will get her favorite reward.
Every time. Dilligence on your part will build confidence in her.
She will start coming to you every time you enter the house.
4 years later I still keep a half doz or so pieces of Iams dog food in my left britches pocket all the time. I give them to Shannon throughout the day for the various instances of her being a “good gurl”.
One more thing.
Animals respond favorably to higher pitched voices, less so with lower voices.
When Olly does good tell her she’s a “good gurl” with a higher pitch to your voice, don’t squeal, she’ll freek out. If Olly does bad, correct her ONCE in your normal, lower voice, clean up whatever, and don’t mention it again. Til next time, then, only once.
Animals supposedly have *no sense of time* and if you harp on an issue they become tone deaf instantly. Once, then move on. It’s better for both of you. Give her some credit, she’s smarter than you think and her senses are far better than yours. Her only goals in life are to please herself and her master. **I question that whole sense of time business cause Shannon can tell when 9:30pm is and come remind me cause that’s when she get’s her last snack of the night.
So that Shannon can understand better, the Iams dog food in my pocket is called “cookies”, and the snack she gets in the afternoon and at night are in a container on the shelf in my office and are called “Bacons” though they are not. Consistency on my part creates consistency on her part.
Guten lukken mit Frau Olly!
RichardOctober 29, 2018, 7:09 AM
Congratulations! I suspect she’ll become a great companion. I’ve had my shelter-rescue gray tabby for about four and a half years. Missed reading a book without a cat sleeping in my lap on a cold winter’s night. After these same 4 1/2 years the jury is still out as to who rescued whom.
ghostsniperOctober 29, 2018, 7:14 AM
I can’t stop.
If she’s not already, consider getting Olive chipped.
You never know, and it’s better to have than not.
Get a DEEPLY engraved name tag for her collar with the chip number on the backside.
(put your cell number on the tag too)
Get a 2nd tag identical and keep it in your wallet.
This is important: Take Olive to the vet and verify that the chip works.
When you take her for her yearly checkup get the chip checked again.
As we all know, tech stuff fails all the time and at the most inopportune time.
dlsadaOctober 29, 2018, 7:23 AM
Black cats are the best!
BillHOctober 29, 2018, 7:50 AM
At least you got an American Shorthair, as our shelter calls them. I asked them once what that meant, and the lady said, “mutt”. Our first cat, after forty-some years of a wifey ordained pet-free household, was a really lush persianish, siameseish pure white longhair, temperamental as hell. What a mess. The current one is very short haired, and much easier to manage physically and mentally.
Currently, I’m looking around at my tiger-striped, green eyed Tiger; Belle who is a yellow-eyed, tortie-tabby-tuxie maniac: Rik who is a soft fuzzy grey old gentleman that comes and lays on my chest for pets late at night, if he catches me awake; and Dante, a green-eyed, black cat who has a love of life that probably has to do with him nearly dying of Histoplasmosis last year.
The last two are my son’s cats, who will go with him when he moves into his new house, but I think Grandma’s going to try to get him to leave his dog here – they’ve grown pretty attached.
All rescues, all loved as family.
Oh yeah, also two ferals that hang around, one of which had 3 kittens in my garage last March.
2 more TNR’s to go…
Gordon ScottOctober 29, 2018, 9:09 AM
I had picked up a smaller cat tree at a convenient donation point (someone’s alley). I had it in the bedroom near the window, where the cat could sit on it and look outside. It was old, and a bit rickety. When the cat leaped from the bed to the top platform, she had to do a bit of wobble as the platform wiggled from the impact.
My wife said, “We should get a new one. One that doesn’t wiggle.”
I replied, “For all she knows, it’s supposed to be that way. Besides, the balancing act is good for her and her brain.” And it was. Indoor life is good for cats’ longevity, but they need stimulation.
Dinah (from MO...now WA)October 29, 2018, 9:10 AM
Congratulations to you both! I’ve had two black cats (in sequence) and both shared my life for nearly 20 years each. You will be a blessing to each other!
I Like Black Cats Because….
* They are discretely dressed for every occasion.
* They bring good luck to their owners.
* If wearing a white bow-tie, they make excellent butlers.
* They are dramatic by day and invisible by night.
* They make unwelcome visitors feel ill at ease by suddenly looking sinister.
* The black leather on their paws and nose is always in good taste and very durable.
* They enjoy Halloween parties.
* Their pleasing sobriety of manner fits them for unobtrusive duties in undertaker parlors, ladies waiting rooms, public libraries and the better kind of family restaurant.
* When they stretch their forepaws they appear to be wearing long black elbow-length evening gloves.
* They are used to flying pillion when I fly across the sky at night.
Sue Porter, ‘Birthday Book of Beasts’, Farrar Straus & Giroux, 1982
Love feline sweethearts. Got my 17-year-old black kitty who loves her wet food and petting. Got her feline companions here with me. The one with the half-tail who loves sitting on laps. The tuxedo one who loves to watch me write and pretends to do “gravity” experiments like Galileo at the Tower of Pisa. The one who was the neighborhood tom, now king of the house – and loves beef jerky. The young one who has the fur color of ground ginger and loves the high cat tower. They’re all adorable. They keep me warm in the winter, too.
She’ll love you for life.
Oh!… If you want to see something beyond feline-cute, I recommend Grandpa Mason. He’s an old fella, former feral, terminally ill, but… Here. You will need a tissue.
Agree with Ghost. Cats often do better when they live with other felines. And they’re more entertaining for you that way. One cat is companionship, two cats is comedy.
pbirdOctober 31, 2018, 9:59 AM
Ja, two cats. Hurtling fat balls. Nearly knock ya off yer feet when they get that running thing going in tandem.
Real World Address for Donations, Mash Notes and Hate Mail
Gerard Van der Leun
1692 MANGROVE AVE
APT 379
Chico, Ca 95926
Green Pants Interior by Klahn
Who Am I? by Carl Sandburg
My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I reach my hands and play with pebbles of destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs reading “Keep Off.”
My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive in the universe.
Duty, Beauty, Liberty, Country, Honor, Family, Faith — Plus a few simple easy to follow rules for guys
Men saw the stars at the edge of the sea
They thought great thoughts about liberty
Poets wrote down words that did fit
Writers wrote books
Thinkers thought about it
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
Many’s the road I have walked upon
Many’s the hour between dusk and dawn
Many’s the time
Many’s the mile
I see it all now
Through the eyes of a child
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
[Chorus]
Lost dreams and found dreams
In America
In America
In America
Lost dreams and found dreams
In America
In America
In America
And close your eyes
Leave it all for a while
Leave the world
And your worries behind
You will build on whatever is real
And wake up each day
To a new waking dream
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
[Chorus]
Change, change come over
Change come over
Talkin’ about a change
Change, change
Change come over, now
Change, change, change come over
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I see my light
See my light
See my shining light
I see my light
See my light
See my shining light
According to my good friend Ray, these kinds of editors have been helping writers since (at least) the publication of The Book of Kells in the 6th Century.
Gerard Van der Leun
Comments on this entry are closed.
What a gorgeous cat! Time spent petting cats does not count against one’s total life span.
She’ll have you trained and operational in no time. Enjoy the break-in period.
Yours, of course.
The famous writer Paul Gallico kept cats, and he was quite prolific. He also seem to have a happy life; perhaps the cats were a help.
We’re planning a trip to see Hemingway’s six toed cats on Key West come January.
Bienvenue à Madame la chatte-éditrice! It looks, however, as if Mme. Olive has begun to perceive that she is in the clutches of an insufficiently woke speciesist. Just for fun, here’s a humorous piece from The Federalist: “10 Reasons My Cat Deserves to Win the Intersectional Victim Olympics”:
http://thefederalist.com/2018/05/16/10-reasons-cat-deserves-win-intersectional-victim-olympics/
Enjoy Olive’s companionship as well as the humor– may you have many good years together.
Close kin to the printer’s devil!
Keep in mind that you don’t own a cat. They own you.
I’m a dog person, but my dear wife has three cats, and they all feel privileged to come annoy me whenever they decide that it’s time to do so. They each have their on designated time to descend upon me, but I can’t take a shower, go to bed, or sit in my recliner without being gifted with one or another of them reminding me who is in charge, and who I’m supposed to cater to.
Me and my dog deal, as we must. How did RAH put it? “Women and Cats…..”
That’s about the size of it, truth be told. Men and Dogs just shaddup and do what they are told to do, as often as not.
What a beautiful editor/cat! You’ll be glad you took the leap.
Our cat turned 20 this year and has outlived one set of dogs and is working on another. He’s definitely feeling his age but he’s still hanging in there.
Simply lovely and gorgeous.
Excellent!
But she needs a sister. Or brother. (hint hint)
Miss Olivia is one of the lucky ones.
According to my sister, that runs two shelters in NC, this is not a good time of year for black cats and many shelters will not adopt black cats out until mid-Nov.
The life expectancy for cats around our house is in the 18-19 year range.
You’ll know she’s bonded with you when you can no longer walk around in your house without maneuvering around her, and/or her preferred place to lay is on your arms while sitting at your computer. Yay for Olive, and you!
PS: Careful with those “snap” collars, they can pop loose at the worst time.
How to train Olly to be your gurl 24/7 without her even knowing it.
==============================================
Step 1:
Every time you come into your house after having gone somewhere, state right out loud, but not yelling, “Where’s that gurl?”
She may not come the first time.
If she does come, promptly reach into your left pocket and give her a piece of Kibble.
Make her stand up or sit up on her back legs to get it.
That’s her reward for doing as you asked.
If she does not come, immediately go hunt her down and upon finding her say out loud, “There’s that gurl!” And promptly give her a Kibble.
All animals respond inherently to food. Yes, even a charging Grizzly will detour to a chunk of roadkill thrown off to the side while you’re unassing the AO.
Olly will quickly learn that by listening to you she will get her favorite reward.
Every time. Dilligence on your part will build confidence in her.
She will start coming to you every time you enter the house.
4 years later I still keep a half doz or so pieces of Iams dog food in my left britches pocket all the time. I give them to Shannon throughout the day for the various instances of her being a “good gurl”.
One more thing.
Animals respond favorably to higher pitched voices, less so with lower voices.
When Olly does good tell her she’s a “good gurl” with a higher pitch to your voice, don’t squeal, she’ll freek out. If Olly does bad, correct her ONCE in your normal, lower voice, clean up whatever, and don’t mention it again. Til next time, then, only once.
Animals supposedly have *no sense of time* and if you harp on an issue they become tone deaf instantly. Once, then move on. It’s better for both of you. Give her some credit, she’s smarter than you think and her senses are far better than yours. Her only goals in life are to please herself and her master. **I question that whole sense of time business cause Shannon can tell when 9:30pm is and come remind me cause that’s when she get’s her last snack of the night.
So that Shannon can understand better, the Iams dog food in my pocket is called “cookies”, and the snack she gets in the afternoon and at night are in a container on the shelf in my office and are called “Bacons” though they are not. Consistency on my part creates consistency on her part.
Guten lukken mit Frau Olly!
Congratulations! I suspect she’ll become a great companion. I’ve had my shelter-rescue gray tabby for about four and a half years. Missed reading a book without a cat sleeping in my lap on a cold winter’s night. After these same 4 1/2 years the jury is still out as to who rescued whom.
I can’t stop.
If she’s not already, consider getting Olive chipped.
You never know, and it’s better to have than not.
Get a DEEPLY engraved name tag for her collar with the chip number on the backside.
(put your cell number on the tag too)
Get a 2nd tag identical and keep it in your wallet.
This is important: Take Olive to the vet and verify that the chip works.
When you take her for her yearly checkup get the chip checked again.
As we all know, tech stuff fails all the time and at the most inopportune time.
Black cats are the best!
At least you got an American Shorthair, as our shelter calls them. I asked them once what that meant, and the lady said, “mutt”. Our first cat, after forty-some years of a wifey ordained pet-free household, was a really lush persianish, siameseish pure white longhair, temperamental as hell. What a mess. The current one is very short haired, and much easier to manage physically and mentally.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_fUsssnHPw
https://bluebirdofbitterness.com/2018/10/27/happy-national-black-cat-day/
Currently, I’m looking around at my tiger-striped, green eyed Tiger; Belle who is a yellow-eyed, tortie-tabby-tuxie maniac: Rik who is a soft fuzzy grey old gentleman that comes and lays on my chest for pets late at night, if he catches me awake; and Dante, a green-eyed, black cat who has a love of life that probably has to do with him nearly dying of Histoplasmosis last year.
The last two are my son’s cats, who will go with him when he moves into his new house, but I think Grandma’s going to try to get him to leave his dog here – they’ve grown pretty attached.
All rescues, all loved as family.
Oh yeah, also two ferals that hang around, one of which had 3 kittens in my garage last March.
2 more TNR’s to go…
I had picked up a smaller cat tree at a convenient donation point (someone’s alley). I had it in the bedroom near the window, where the cat could sit on it and look outside. It was old, and a bit rickety. When the cat leaped from the bed to the top platform, she had to do a bit of wobble as the platform wiggled from the impact.
My wife said, “We should get a new one. One that doesn’t wiggle.”
I replied, “For all she knows, it’s supposed to be that way. Besides, the balancing act is good for her and her brain.” And it was. Indoor life is good for cats’ longevity, but they need stimulation.
Congratulations to you both! I’ve had two black cats (in sequence) and both shared my life for nearly 20 years each. You will be a blessing to each other!
I Like Black Cats Because….
* They are discretely dressed for every occasion.
* They bring good luck to their owners.
* If wearing a white bow-tie, they make excellent butlers.
* They are dramatic by day and invisible by night.
* They make unwelcome visitors feel ill at ease by suddenly looking sinister.
* The black leather on their paws and nose is always in good taste and very durable.
* They enjoy Halloween parties.
* Their pleasing sobriety of manner fits them for unobtrusive duties in undertaker parlors, ladies waiting rooms, public libraries and the better kind of family restaurant.
* When they stretch their forepaws they appear to be wearing long black elbow-length evening gloves.
* They are used to flying pillion when I fly across the sky at night.
Sue Porter, ‘Birthday Book of Beasts’, Farrar Straus & Giroux, 1982
Cat helps write physics paper…
https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2016/08/cat-co-authored-influential-physics-paper
Love feline sweethearts. Got my 17-year-old black kitty who loves her wet food and petting. Got her feline companions here with me. The one with the half-tail who loves sitting on laps. The tuxedo one who loves to watch me write and pretends to do “gravity” experiments like Galileo at the Tower of Pisa. The one who was the neighborhood tom, now king of the house – and loves beef jerky. The young one who has the fur color of ground ginger and loves the high cat tower. They’re all adorable. They keep me warm in the winter, too.
She’ll love you for life.
Oh!… If you want to see something beyond feline-cute, I recommend Grandpa Mason. He’s an old fella, former feral, terminally ill, but… Here. You will need a tissue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZiJkicepzM
Agree with Ghost. Cats often do better when they live with other felines. And they’re more entertaining for you that way. One cat is companionship, two cats is comedy.
Ja, two cats. Hurtling fat balls. Nearly knock ya off yer feet when they get that running thing going in tandem.
@Ghost – I figured you had a soft spot.
(Appreciate the tips.)
Yes MeMe is Olive’s twin – and part of why I’m so fond of my big Pyr is because he is respectful of the cat’s place.